The Fat Spencer's Gym

I saw a lizard near my bed, and my reaction was to squawk, squeak and squeal.
Why can't i sight these grisly creatures as those buggers on the pitch, and all i need to do is to puff them and shut their mouths with a 'thud'.
Phobia.
It explains all. Clear, distinct answer. No doubt.

Besides phobia of lizards, i too have some bizarre behaviour.
I like to tread on people's toes, and i often see their nutter expressions. (Who cares? This is me.)
I like to launch vituperative attacks on people whom i despise. (Those who talk big but cant play big)
I like to eavesdrop people's conversations. (Maybe there are some juicy gossips, like Michael has no nuts?)
I like to make scatological jokes.
I like to chew my finger nails and they taste unbelievably... yummy.
I like to have a fling with my mates' gurls. (You guys are not married. So shut up.)
I like to have the studs of my boots smeared with blood after a game.
I like to nestle on the toilet bowl.
I like to be a law unto myself.
I like to cook. (That aint bizarre, that's just talent)

Call 999 if you think i should be locked behind bars.
But when i am released from jail, it will be a better choice for you to gulp down a bottle of dettol.


Pro 24:5 A wise man is strong